


Clouds

by stagprince666



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bartender Derek, College Student Stiles, F/M, Kira has a band, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Virgin Stiles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-01-15 01:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1286659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stagprince666/pseuds/stagprince666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles has had panic attacks ever since his mom died, and his dad is making him go to a mental health support group. One day he goes to see Kira's band, Tales of a Kitsune, play at a bar. Stiles meets Derek who is the bar owner. Stiles goes to support group and see Derek there. Stiles gets to know Derek and the horrors of his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic and anything that's not school related so bear with me. I wrote this for my friend, even though she hasn't even seen Teen Wolf. She wrote me a poem so I'm writing her a fanfic. I hope you guys like it!

 

    “Do I have to go?” he complained over the phone. Scott was getting rather annoyed with Stiles at this point.

    “For the last time, yes! You already said you’d go see her,” Scott said.  
Stiles did like Kira, Scott’s new girlfriend, but he didn't know her all that well. Stiles met her about a month and a half before, in his theology class at college. In fact, he introduced Scott to Kira, and they've been dating ever since.  
    “What’s the bar Kira is playing at, again,” Stiles asked. “New Moons, it’s on 103 street,” Scott sighed, “I’ve told you at least three times, you’re just trying to stall.” Stiles felt a little offended, but he knew Scott was right.  
    “Fine, I’ll see you soon,” Stiles said before hanging up the phone. Stiles got off of his bed, stripped, and got in the shower.  
Stiles was lucky, and he knew it: his dorm had a shower and he only shared it with one roommate. His roommate was Danny Māhealani, a rather good looking man the same age as Stiles. Stiles had just moved in when he had come to terms with his bisexuality; when he found out that his roommate was gay, he was very excited. However, there wasn’t the spark that Stiles was expecting. Danny did have a good personality, and a ‘hot bod’, but Stiles just didn’t think he was relationship material. It was mostly because Danny’s best friend was Jackson Whittemore. Jackson was the stereotypical jock, and a major dickhead. Stiles didn’t know what made Danny be friends with that bastard.  
After his quick shower, Stiles got dressed, did his hair the way Kira likes it, and started to headed out the door. “You look nice, where are you going,” Danny inquired.  
    “Just to see Kira’s band play at some bar,” Stiles huffed. Danny looked at Stiles suspiciously.  
    “Are they that bad?” Danny almost always speaks with a hint of sass. “No, I’d just rather be watching Game of Thrones,” Stiles said.  
    “No, you just want to ogle Jon Snow!” Danny was right, like always. “Can I go? I’ve got nothing to do,” Danny said.  
Stiles thought about it for a minute, “sure, I don’t see why not.”

* * *

 

    “Do you know the exact address?” Danny started to look frustrated. Stiles looked over at Danny in the driver’s seat.  
    “No..”  
    “God damn it, Stiles. We're in the bad side of town and we’re lost!” Danny said, not exactly shouting, but not quietly either.  
    “I know, I know-” Stiles couldn't finish his defence before Danny shouted.  
    “Hey! I think I see it!” Danny was right (like always), there was a purple sign with a black wolf and a full moon on it. The words “New Moons” were written in yellow on the moon.  
    “Wait, I don’t get it, why is there a full moon on the sign, when its called ‘New Moons,’” Stiles asked rhetorically.  
    “And there is only one moon, when there should be more than one” Danny added.  
They parked the Jeep, and got out. “Are you sure this is it? It looks like a gay bar,” Danny asked.  
    “Dude, I don’t know, I’ve never been here,” Stiles said defensively.  
    A few feet from the front door, a sign on the ground read: “Tales of a Kitsune plays tonight at 6:00. Half off drinks from 6:00 - 8:00.”  
    “Yeah, this is it. That’s Kira’s band, Tales of a Kitsune!” Stiles blurts out. Danny looked at Stiles kind of confused.  
    “What in the hell is a ‘Kitsune’. Oh! half off drinks,” Danny said happily.  
    “It’s a Japanese trickster fox spirit. We learned about them in class.”  
    It was barely 5:00, so the band hadn’t started playing yet, so Stiles was wondering if Kira was even there. Stiles and Danny had just stepped a few feet in the door, when they heard a high-pitched squeal. “Stiles! You made it! I’m so happy you’re here!” That screech was Kira. Kira bounced over; she always had a cheerful skip in her step, and frankly, it annoyed Stiles. She flung her arms around Stiles’ neck, and gave him a big hug.  
    “Oh, who’s this,” she said while turning to Danny who had a look of utter shock. “Kira, this is my roommate Danny,” Stiles explained. Kira looked at Danny, then to Stiles, and back again. “Wait, is he your boyfriend?” Kira shouted.  
    “What! no, he’s just my roommate!” Stiles shouted just as loud. Danny still stood there, looking rather scared.  
    “Did you just get here?” Stiles ask as they went to sit at the bar. “No, we’ve been here for like thirty minutes. I like to be all set up as early as possible,” Another thing Stiles didn’t like: she didn’t procrastinate.  
    “Hey, can we sit in a booth?” Danny asked.  
    “I guess so. Why?” Stiles answered.  
    “I don’t like being in the open like that. I like more secluded places,” Danny said.  
They walked to a booth near the back wall of the bar, the booth had dark purple leather on the seats and a shiny, black table. Kira seemed very excited, she almost bounced in the seat. “Can I got you guys something to drink? I know the owner and he’ll give me free drinks!” Kira asked, it was more of a shout.  
    “An apple martini,” Danny replied. Stiles gave Danny a ‘Really?’ kind of look. “What? they taste good,” Danny defended.  
    “Stiles?” Kira asked, calmer this time.  
    “No thanks. I don’t drink,” He said solemnly. Danny looked away as if he knew something, but didn’t want to tell.  
    “Um, okay. Danny, I’ll be right back,” and she bounced off.  
Ever since Stiles’ mom died, he’d get panic attacks, and alcohol seemed to provoke them. Also, after his mom died, Stiles’ dad turned to whisky for comfort. His dad became an alcoholic soon after that. Stiles promised himself he’d never touch the stuff. Because Stiles didn’t drink, he didn’t go to very many parties. But hey, he’s only a sophomore, so there will be plenty of parties.  
    “Do you have support group this week?” Danny asked Stiles. Stiles looked rather caught off guard.  
    “Yeah, um, on thursday, at 6:00,” Stiles said. Stiles’ dad made him go to a Support Group, a Mental Health Support Group. He was kind of ashamed of it, so he didn't tell many people; only Scott, Danny, and Lydia knew.  
Kira walked by to the booth with a martini and a glass of Docter Pepper in hand. She set the martini in front of Danny and the water in front of Stiles.  
    “I didn’t want you to not have something,” Kira said in a quiet, guilty tone.  
    “Thanks, Kira,” Stiles smiled.  
    Danny took a sip, “Oh God, that is good.” A few minutes filled with idle chatter past, when Scott walked in the bar. Kira frantically waved him over.  
    “Ah, so you made it,” Scott said.  
    “Like I said I would. I even brought Danny, he looked so lonely all by himself,” Stiles said in a baby voice.  
    “I was not lonely!” Danny protested.  
    They sat and talked for a while before Kira was called away by her bass guitarist. The show was going to start soon, and people started to fill in the empty spaces in the room. The lights died down, and Kira started talking: “Thanks, everyone, for coming tonight. I hope you have a good time!” At her last word, everyone on stage started to play. Their first song “Nogitsune Troubles,” wasn’t half bad.  
    Scott hit Stiles’ arm to get his attention, “hey, dude, I think that guy is checking you out.” Stiles looked over, there was a man looking in their direction. He had brown eyes; dirty blonde hair that pointed upward; a nice, chiseled jaw; and was wearing a brown henley that was unbuttoned.  
    “Ha! he’s not looking at Stiles! He’s looking at me,” Danny barked. “Later, fuckers,” he chuckled. When a person moved, they saw that the man had a twin brother that was with him. “Oh God, I’m in heaven,” Danny said as he walked toward them.  
    “Sorry, man, I thought he was looking at you,” Scott said.  
    “Nah, its okay, dude,” Stiles tried not to seem bothered, but it didn’t work. Stiles has never had a boyfriend or even a girlfriend; by this time, he was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with him.  
    “You’ll get your time, man,” Scott shouted in his ear, it was getting loud now.  
Kira and her band had performed three or four songs, she then introduced their next song: Howls in the Dark. At that announcement, Scott said, “Whoa, this is my favorite song by them,” he got to his feet and ambled toward the front of the stage, leaving Stiles.  
Stiles didn’t see Danny for a while, or even Scott, he just sat there watching people dance. He was starting to get rather bored. The band had stopped playing for an intermission, Kira showed up a few moments later, followed by Scott. Danny then popped out of nowhere.  
    “So, what’s his name?” Stiles asked, looking at Danny.  
    “Um, it’s either Ethan or Adian. I think its Ethan, though.”  
    “Are they both gay?” Scott asked, most likely wanting to know for Stiles’ sake.  
   “No, only Adian, wait, I mean Ethan,” it seemed like Danny was starting to get confused.  
Everyone but Stiles and Kira were a little bit buzzed, and it started to show. Stiles started to feel out of place and awkward.  
Ethan, or Adian, Stiles couldn’t really tell, had just sat next to Danny and put his hand on his leg, yup it’s Ethan. Great, Stiles was at a table with one couple and two guys that were flirting, just his luck. Stiles was really uncomfortable now, and Scott could see. “Stiles, man, can you go get us a few beers?” Scott said, a little too loudly. Stiles  
jumped at the chance.  
    He made his way through the crowd, getting bumped this way and that way. He was nearer to the bar when he saw the bartender: a gorgeous man with pale green eyes, thick five o'clock shadow; dreamy, black hair; and full looking eyebrows. When he saw that the bartender saw him, he quickly turned to the bathrooms. Stiles stood there a minute, gathering himself, and preparing to go get drinks. Him, dorky, skinny Stiles, was going to talk to a Greek God. He had too, didn’t he? So it wouldn’t be like talking to him out of the blue, not weird, right? Of course it wasn’t weird, he was ordering drinks. Ha, why was he nervous? the bartender wasn’t that good looking. Stiles shuffled closer. Okay, the bartender was as good looking as when Stiles first saw him.  
    “Um,” Stiles paused a moment.  
    “What can I get you,” the bartenders said in a gruff tone.  
    “Eh, um, can I get four beers,” Stiles murmured and gestured toward the booth with all of his friends… and Ethan.  
    “Sure,” the bartender huffed out, “and yourself?”  
    “Noth- No thank you, I don’t drink,” Stiles said awkwardly.  
    The bartender raised an eyebrow, “well, that’s sadder than flat soda.”  
    Stiles got a little worked up, “hey, I happen to like flat soda!” he glanced at the bartender’s name tag. _Derek_ , Stiles said under his breath. Derek shifted from one foot to the other, “well, we’ve got some flat soda on tap, if you want?”  
     Stiles must have looked stunned, because the bartender- Derek- gave a laugh. Derek set four beers on the counter, and filled a glass with Dr. Pepper, “soda’s on the house.” Stiles blushed, threw down a few bills (he didn’t even look to see it they were right), grabbed the drinks, and rushed off.  
Stiles fumbled back to their seats, almost spilling his soda.

    “Dude, are you alright? You’re all red,” Scott asked.  
    “Um, yeah, uh, it’s nothing,” Stiles said hurriedly. A few minutes later, Kira had to get back on stage. It was just Stiles, Scott, Danny, and Ethan. Danny seemed pretty interested in Ethan, so he wasn’t talking to Scott or Stiles. A few more songs past, when the band had finished, people started to leave the bar. Stiles decided it was time to leave, too. He said his goodbyes to Scott and Kira, who, at that point, couldn’t keep their hand off each other. Stiles pulled Danny by the arm, “come on lover boy.”  
    “Wait, I didn’t get his number!” Danny pulled himself away from Stiles, and ran over to Ethan. He returned moments later with a number written on his hand.  
He and Danny started to head toward the door. His eyes were jumping around, where was the Greek God? Stiles didn’t know. He didn’t see Derek. Good, good, now he can leave without completely embarrassing himself. Stiles and Danny where closers to the door when he turned his head. Derek was standing there, just in front of the door.  
    “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” he repeated in his head. Stiles looked down, maybe Derek hadn’t seen him. He looked up quickly, but to late, Derek was looking at him. Derek winked at Stiles, and his knees grew weak. He could feel a panic attack coming on; who knew a hot guy’s wink could cause a panic attack. He fumbled, and fell to his shaky knees. Danny didn’t notice Stiles’ sudden absence until he was a few feet ahead. Danny looked around, but no Stiles.  
Danny hurried back through the crowd looking for Stiles. When he found him, Stiles was on the ground almost in a fetal position, and Derek was kneeling over him.  
    “Hey! get away from him!” Danny shouted. Derek looked up in surprise, and raised his hands. At the commotion, Scott and Kira showed up, along with about fifteen other people. Scott shooed away the people so he could have some air. Stiles started to catch his breath, and his shaking soothed.  
    “You okay, buddy?” Scott’s voice was full of worry.  
    “Yeah, I, um,” Stiles didn’t finish his thought.  
    “What did you do to him?” Danny shouted at Derek.     
    “Nothing, I only winked!” Derek said in his defence. Scott helped Stiles up and walked out of the bar, while Danny stood in front of Derek.  
    “I promise I didn’t do anything. Is he alright?” Derek asked. “He’s fine,” Danny barked, and left the bar to check on Stiles.


	2. Chapter 2

    “You fainted?” Lydia roared over Skype.  
    “I didn’t faint! I swooned, at most,” Stiles defended.  
    “They’re like, the same thing. Oh God, Stiles, you’re so embarrassing.”  
    “They are not the same thing,” Stiles said, “a swoon is 59 seconds or less, and a faint is 60 seconds or more,” Stiles informed her. “Wait, I didn’t even swoon. I had a panic attack!” he added.  
    “Nevertheless, was he that hot to make you faint?” Lydia taunted. She might seem mean to others, but it was refreshing to have someone who was rather blunt.  
    “I feel like he should have been made out of marble, and be displayed at The Louvre.”  
    “Hmh, I wonder what his last name is, so we can Facebook stalk him,” Lydia said, more to herself than to Stiles.  
    “Crap! is that the time? I have class in like thirty minutes!” Stiles shouted. Without saying goodbye, he slammed his laptop shut, hurled himself out of his chair, and rushed out the door.  
    The walk to class was quite nice: the fall air still had hints of summer; it wasn’t too sunny, just the way Stiles liked it; and he had time to listen to music! As he walked, he thought about how Derek knelt over him. He didn’t see or feel him do it, but rather he was told. He only felt numb, and couldn’t really see; its like his senses shut down. Danny still didn’t believe Stiles; however, Derek did only wink at him. Feeling modified, Stiles promised himself that he’d never go back to the bar.  
He was passing the quad, when a coffee stand caught his eye. Stiles preferred tea to coffee, but they had chai tea so it was okay. He ambled his way over to the stand, and stood in line. The guy in front of him ordered an “Iced, Half Caff, Ristretto, Sugar Free, Cinnamon, Dolce Soy Skinny Latte.” Stiles scoffed and thought of that Blood Orange guy from tumblr; he said “pretentious” under his breath. The man’s head twitch, and started to turn around.  
    Stiles’ heart sank, and he felt sick. The guy must of heard him, why else would he turn around? It was almost like slow motion. Stiles faltered for a moment, that wasn’t what he expected, it was Derek!  
    “What’d you just say? Wait, don’t I know you?”  
Stiles kept his head low; his ears were pink with embarrassment, “um, no, I’ve just got one of those faces.”  
    “Yeah, I totally know you, you were at my bar last night.”  
    “No, I wasn’t,” he scoffed, “what bar?”  
    “New Moons,” Derek said in a grumble.  
    “Oh, that bar. Yeah, I might have been there…” He was trying to play it cool, but it wasn’t working very well.  
    “You like, fainted or something, are you okay?” Derek’s voice got softer.  
    “Yeah, I just had a panic attack. It was nothing, really…”  
    The woman who ran the stand was looking rather annoyed; they were holding up the line. “Here is your latte, sir.” She turned to Stiles, “what can I get you?”  
    “Duh, um,” he was stammering.  
    “He’ll have a chai tea with whip cream and extra sugar,” Derek announced.  
    “No, I- wait, that is what I wanted.”  
    Stiles looked at Derek in utter amazement, to the point of gawking. The woman handed him his tea, and Derek gave her a few bills.  
“No I can get it-”  
    Derek cut him off, “No it’s okay, you had a panic attack or something in my bar; I feel liable” Stiles blushed even more. And they started to walk away.  
   “I’m Derek, Derek Hale,” he huffed out.  
   Stiles blushed, “I’m Stiles.”  
   “Oh, and this isn’t even mine, by the way,” Derek gestured to the latte, “I got it for Kira.”  
   “You know Kira?”  
   “Yeah,” he didn’t elaborate anymore than that.  
   “Um, okay,” Stiles didn’t know how to respond. He took a sip of his tea.  
   “Yeah, I got her this really confusing coffee as a congratulation for last night.”  
   “Why a confusing coffee?” Stiles was curious, and didn’t like not knowing things.  
   “Well, its kind of an inside joke.”  
   “Hey, Kira is in my next class, I can take it to her,” he offered.  
   “No thanks, I’d rather give it to her in person.”  
   “Oh, okay,” he sounded like he was hurt.  
   “Can we walk together? Kira only gave me vague directions to her class.”  
   “Sure,” Stiles perked up a little, but the thought of walking with this gorgeous man made him nervous. They walked in silence; not even looking in each other's direction.  
   “Um, you-” Stiles was starting to ask, but Derek cut him off.  
   “Shh, I’m listening to the silence,” Derek sounded grumpy.  
   “Okay, um, what?”  
   “This is the most quiet I’ve had for a while, and you’re ruining it.” Stiles gave him a “what the fuck” look, and Derek started to laugh.  
“I mean, I’m in the bar most of the time, and everyone is talking, or in my apartment, which is right above it, so I hear a lot of traffic. It’s really quite annoying,”  
   “So you go to a college to find quiet? I don’t think you thought that one out all the way,” Stiles murmured.  
   “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Wait, this place has got a library, doesn’t it?” Derek sounded like he had made a great discovery.  
   “No, not this college. This is the only one that doesn’t have a library,” Stiles said with immense sarcasm.  
Derek huffed, sounding like an eighty year old man, “Fine, it was a stupid question.”  
Stiles was giggling when they walked up to the building containing Stiles’ class. They walked up to the door, and Derek opened it and let Stiles go first.  
   “Well, I guess chivalry isn’t dead,” he teased.  
   “Ha, Ha,” Derek said with a hint of sarcasm.  
Wandering the halls, and crossing a sitting area, they finally stopped at a door. Stiles poked his head in, looked around, and motioned for Derek to follow him. The class hadn’t started yet, so there were few people there; however, it was a small class. Kira saw Derek and she looked shock.  
   “Derek, what are you doing with Stiles?” she blurted.  
   “I brought you obnoxious coffee,” he said with a smile. Her face lit up, she snached the coffee out of Derek’s hands and started drinking.  
   “Damn, it even tastes obnoxious,” she murmured with the straw in her mouth. “That doesn’t answer my question. Did you get lost?” She started to giggle.  
   “No, I was ordering that coffee, and Stiles called me pretentious. Then we walked here together, I forgot your directions.”  
   “Oh, so that’s all you used me for?” Stiles joked.  
   “Yes,” Derek responded apathetically. He didn’t know if Derek was joking, so he just chuckled lightly.  
   “Bye, Kira, Stiles,” Derek nodded to them, and left. Kira and Stiles shuffled around, and got in their seats; the class was about to start. Stiles barely paid attention in class, he was thinking of Derek too much.

* * *

 

   Stiles didn’t have class on thursdays, so he slept in. About 10:00, he slowly got out of bed, and into the shower. Danny was already gone, his bed was empty and very, very messy. There room was an okay size, but Stiles would like it bigger. Well, at least more cut off from Danny’s side of the room; he snores. Stiles didn’t have anywhere to be till much later, so he took his time in the shower. Standing under the warm water cleared his mind, letting all of his worries drift from his head was a rare occurrence.  
After his shower, he got dressed, but he was too lazy to do his hair. Walking to his favorite cafe was starting to get mundane, so Stiles thought he’d switch things up, and go to the cafe on Park Street. He ambled his way to his jeep, and drove to the cafe.  
This cafe, The Den, was quite strange. The walls were an earthy brown, the tables and chairs were an evergreen color, and it seemed like the only customers were hipsters and old people. The only staff were women in their early 20’s. They played music Stiles has never heard of, most likely because of the hipsters. In the corner, there was a small bookshelf full of old looking books; upon further inspection, they are rebound copies of books like Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, and books by John Green, who ever the hell that was.  
   Stiles was looking at the menu board, when the lady at the counter noticed him, and asked his order. She had beautiful, blonde, curly hair; and chestnut brown eyes. For some reason, she was wearing a leather jacket, and a really low cut shirt, that showed the tops of her breasts. Her name tag said her name was Erica. Stiles got a little flustered; it was hard not to look at her breasts. He awkwardly shuffled closer, and looked at her dead in the face.  
   “I’d like a, uh, large hazelnut iced coffee and a scone, I guess,” he said slowly; he could feel his ears turning pink.  
   “Sure, sweetie, anything else?” she said with a wolfish grin.  
   “Uh,” Did she call me sweetie? he thought, “No thanks.”  
   “That’ll be..” She paused, as if thinking, “$14.50.”  
Stiles’ eyes widened, 14.50 for coffee and a scone? God damn it, that’s a rip off. Well, he’s already ordered and it would be rude to leave. He reluctantly forked over the bills and coins. He was no longer interested in her, she must have conned him. He looked up at the board, the prices seemed to fit with what he ordered. That’s it, I’m never coming here again, he thought to himself.  
   He went and sat down, and a few minutes later, another lady came and brought his food and drink. Stiles sat there quietly, wondering how awkward tonight will be. He’s gone to Support Group for about a year, starting just after things really got bad. If it helped or not, he wasn’t sure; but he hasn’t had a panic attack for a while, well before the incident at the bar.  
   What if I see someone I know there? He asked himself; he asks the same question every Thursday. He munched on his scone, and took a sip from his iced coffee. He needed something to take his mind off of things. He glanced over his shoulder, and looked at the bookshelf. I could bury my sorrows in books, he said shouting in his head.  
Stiles finished up his food, and started out the door. When he passed the counter, Erica smiled at him. She probably wanted to swindle him out of more money. Stiles was pondering what book to read, when he got to the Jeep. He hopped in, and drove to the college’s library. The thought of the library made images of Derek flash behind his eyelids. He wanted to keep his eyes closed, so he could see Derek better in his mind’s eye, but he was driving, so that might not be good.  
Stiles pulled up to the school’s library, he’s been here a couple of times, mostly because he needed to do research for a paper. I wonder who that John Green guy was? he thought to himself. The library must have at least a few of his books, Stiles wasn’t sure how popular he was.  
The outside of the library was much less impressive than the inside; it was built with dull looking grey stones, a boring green roof, and rusty doors. The inside, however, made him awestruck every time he entered. The walls were covered from top to bottom with books, there were large bookshelves that reached the ceiling, a few old looking glass chandeliers hanging from the ceiling over tables. There was even a few fireplaces, fireplaces! Around the fireplace, there were a few old looking leather furnished chairs, like the ones you see in old movies.  
The front counter was occupied by a bald, African-American man. Stiles walked up to the man. “I’ve been here a few times, but I’ve never seen the fiction section. Can you point me towards it?” Stiles said quietly.  
    “Yes, I can show you the fiction section. If memory serves, you were here about a month ago, looking for information on natural sedatives, for..” He paused, trying to remember, “Panic attacks, wasn’t it?”  
    Stiles shifted from one foot to the other, “Um, yes sir, I was.”  
    “I hope you found what you’re looking for? If not, I’m sure I can find something for you. I’m quite good with unconventional medicine.”  
Stiles paused a moment. He didn’t like going on pills for his panic attacks, they made him feel dead to the world. That’s why he didn’t take them often, something his doctor told him not to do.  
    “If you don’t want to take anything, we have several books on meditation, if you’d like that better,” the man said patiently. But Stiles didn’t know what to say.  
    “The meditation books would be nice, too,” Stiles said. The man at the desk gestured for Stiles to follow him. They walked to the New Age section, he never thought he’d be getting books from here. The man stood there a moment, then moved to the far end of a bookshelf, pulled out a book, and handed it to Stiles. “Meditation: Calming the Inner Storm,” it read.  
    “Thanks,” Stiles said a little too loud, and the librarian gave him a look. They walked to the other side of the library, passing by tall bookshelves; all Stiles could think about was pushing one over, and starting an extreme chain of dominos. The walk was slow, the man was in no hurry. They reached a part of the library that was more closed off than the rest.  
    “Are you looking for anything in particular?”  
    “Um, have you heard of a guy named John Green?” Stiles felt awkward.  
    “Ah, yes, Mr. Green, I know him well. Very good books, very profound. We have many books by him. I’d recommend Looking for Alaska or The Fault in Our Stars.”  
    “Okay, I’ll check them out,” Stiles said, but the man had already turned around and was leaving.  
Stiles looked through the shelves. He looked at the little tags on the books that said the Authors first few initials. “Why is Green so hard to find?” He said under his breath. “Ha! I’ve found you, you elusive hardcover!” Stiles was being too loud, and someone shushed him. The first book he grabbed was The Fault in Our Stars.  
He left the section with both books in hand, and walked to the front desk. The bald man was back at his spot, beeping books under a scanner.  
   “Did you find the books okay?” He asked calmly.  
   “Yes, sir, thank you.”  
   “Please, call me Deaton.”  
   “Thank you, Deaton,” Stiles said. Deaton took Stiles’ library card and the books. Three beeps later, he was given back the books and card. “Have a nice day,” Stiles said cheerfully, and Deaton noded. Stiles left the library, and drove home.

* * *

 

    Around 6:30, Stiles got off of his bed, whipped his watery eyes, and started to complain to Danny.  
   “Why did I start reading this?” Stiles blurted out.  
   “Reading what?” Danny turned in his chair to face Stiles.  
    “The Fault in Our Stars!” Stiles still had hints of tears in his eyes.  
   “Really? You’re crying over a book,” Danny’s sass knew no bounds.  
   “Shut up, it’s really sad, and good, and so many complicated emotions.”  
   “Okay, sissy,” Danny said sarcastically, “Hey, don’t you have Support Group?”  
   “Crap!” Stiles jumped up, and got his shoes on.  
   “Hey, Stiles,” Danny said.  
   “What, Danny, I’ve got to go!” Stiles said hurriedly. Danny got up from his chair, walked over to Stiles, and have him a hug. “Dude, what this for?” Stiles said, still with Danny’s arms around him.  
   “Do I have to have a reason to hug my roommate? I just want you to know that I’m always here for you. I’m always in the next bed over, if you ever need to talk…” Danny paused, “Also, me and Ethan had sex in your bed.”  
   Stiles pushed Danny away, “Ew, dude, really? You’re bed is right there,” Stiles pointed just across the room. “The first part was nice, but you could have told me that you fornicated in my bed at a different time!” Stiles started to push his way to the door, but Danny grabbed his wrist.  
   “Stiles, really. Premarital sex aside, just know that I’m here,” Danny said.  
   Stiles took a moment, “Thank you,” his eyes were getting watery.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading this for like, ever. I've had this chapter done for a while but I forgot about posting it. Its summer vacation and I've gotten rather bored so I'm going to finish this fanfic and then start writing another! Thanks guys~

  
    Stiles came to a screeching stop in front of the Community Center, and rushed out of the Jeep. Support Group was going to start in a few minutes, but Stiles didn’t want to be even more late, so he rushed. When he was near the room that held the meeting, he slowed his pace to a brisk walk.  
He walked over, and sat in his normal spot, not making eye contact with the others in the room. The seats were arranged in a circle- it was more of an oval -to enforce their “oneness”. Because of how to circle was formed, he couldn't see everyone, particularly to the far left of him.  
Jim, the man who leads the group, stood up from his seat at the front of the poorly formed circle.

    “I’d like to welcome everybody here today. We have some new faces here today, as well as several one’s that we have seen before. I hope we all welcome our new comers with loving, open arms,” he said.  
    “What a load of crap,” Stiles thought, “everyone here is just trying to out problem everyone else.”  
Jim starts the meeting with a chant: “We are here to help each other, carry other’s burdens as well as our own. Together, we can do this.” Everyone must say it, or it won’t be as effective, Jim tells them. Stiles just mumbles along with everyone else.  
Soon people start talking about their problems, most of them have varying cases of depression, or some strong phobia, but others have very, very serious things. One man, Gilbert, has a Dissociative disorder; he acts frantic if the lights flicker, or if it’s too windy out. A woman that sits a few seats away from Stiles is a kleptomaniac, she was in the slammer a few times before she was diagnosed.  
    When it got to Stiles’ turn to share, he reluctantly obliged, “Well, my mom died when I was nine, and I’ve had sleeping problems ever since. When I started sophomore year in highschool, I started to get anxiety attacks, and went on some pills to suppress them. I was on the pills for a while, but I didn’t like them, so I stopped taking them during senior year,” Stiles was looking down at his hands, they were shaking. “Can- can I stop now?” Stiles’ voice was getting shaky too.  
Jim nodded, and Stiles took a deep breath.  
    The next person started, “I never really made friends easily when I was younger, and when my dog died, I felt completely alone. It got so bad, I started to cut my wrists, but my mom saw and yelled at me, which didn’t help. I started to cut my thighs so that no one would see, and no one did. One day, I cut a little too deep, I was found in a puddle of my own blood, and then rushed to the hospital. And here I am,” the woman finished.  
Stiles didn’t normally believe her, that was Kelly, she was a compulsive liar. The problem with compulsive liars: you never know if they are telling the truth or not; and if they are, why would you believe them? Kelly’s story changes every week, but this week, she started to tear up, which she never does. Stiles decided to believe this story, and his heart got heavy for her.   
    More people spoke, and the meeting is about over, when Jim told the group that the new member is about to speak, and Stiles perks up to listen.  
A man clears his throat, but doesn’t start talking. Stiles looks around for the voice’s owner, and he gasps at whom it belongs to. Derek is sitting there, looking really uncomfortable, and asks: “Can I not share this time?”  
   Jim sighs, “Yes, but we have to talk about our problems to work through them.” Derek nods to acknowledge the man’s input, and casts his gaze downward to his feet.  
Stiles doesn’t know how to react, he’s just baffled. He sits there, looking at Derek, the man who looks like a marble statue; a look of utter sadness it etched into his face. He looks away so Derek doesn’t see him staring, and this time, it works. It’s like Derek doesn’t know he’s there, but he should, Stiles spoke to the group.  
The meeting’s closing business is quickly taken care of, and Jim is walking over to Stiles with Derek at his side. Stiles catches Derek’s eyes, and holds his stare.  
    “Stiles, this is Derek. He’s new to the group, and he needs a Support Buddy.” Each member of the group is given a Support Buddy, much like a sponsor in AA. Stiles had been sharing one with another person, so he didn’t have one to himself. “Because you don’t have one either, you can be each other’s Buddies,” Jim said, quite chipper. At that, Jim’s eye caught someone else, and he was off.  
    “Um, you come here often?” Stiles awkwardly asks, because he can’t think of anything else to say.  
Derek looks at him, very unamused. “No,” he says, “it’s my first time.”  
Stiles is starting to flounder, when he remembers the “New Buddy Protocols.” He breathes deep, “we have to exchange numbers and stuff, incase we need to talk to someone.”  
   “Okay,” Derek says flatly. He gets a card from his pocket, and writes a number on the back and gives it to Stiles. “That’s the bar’s card and my cell number is on the back.”  
Stiles has Derek’s number, his number; however, he didn’t get it in the way he was expecting. He puts the card in his back pocket, and asks to put his number in Derek’s phone. Derek digs the phone out of his front left pocket and gives it to him. Stiles’ fingers dance over the keyboard, and he hands the phone back. “I put my address in there too, just incase.”  
    They stand there awkwardly for another moment or two, when Derek says he has to leave, and he shuffles away awkwardly. Stiles walks out, oblivious to the world, he’s wondering what’s wrong with Derek to have to make him attend Support Group.


	4. Chapter 4

    A few days later, the images of Derek’s soulful eyes casted down at the floor still taunted Stiles when he shut his eyes. Why was Derek at Support Group? And why did he know Kira, who’s obviously years younger than him? Stiles had too many questions and not enough answers; he started to get frustrated.

    Lydia snapped her fingers, “Hello? Earth to Stiles?” She was starting to look a bit worried, but mostly irritated. She took a sip of her coffee without breaking eye contact with him. Despite her best attempts, Lydia couldn’t get Stiles’ attention; he was still spaced out, exploring the enigma that is Derek. Lydia gave it another attempt, but this time, she pushed his shoulder with quite a bit of force. He jerked back to reality with a headrush.

    “Lydia, what?” he snapped.

    “You spaced out, is my gossip not juicy enough for you?” Its not that her gossip wasn’t interesting, its just that that’s what she talked about most of the time: who or what the other sorority girls were doing (most of the time behind closed doors).

    “No-”

    But before he could even get in a second word, Lydia mustered an overly dramatic gasp. “How dare you. You don’t know how many secrets I had to give up to learn this stuff.”

    “And I’m assuming those secrets aren’t about you.” Stiles gave a judgy face.

    “Oh, of course not. My life isn’t exploited for the entertainment of others.”

    Stiles paused for a moment, wondering if Lydia realised her hypocrisy. “Right…” he finally said at length. “So what’s ‘Shelley’ done this time?” Stiles didn’t even try to make it sound like he cared.

    “We weren’t talking about Shelley, Stiles. We were talking about Karen!” He thought that Lydia was throwing the word ‘we’ around too liberally, most of the time these conversations were one-sided.

    Stiles gave a deep sigh, “Lyds, I gotta go, I said I’d help Danny with his homework.” It was a sheer and utter lie, Danny is the one that helps Stiles with homework. He scooted out of his chair and stood up.

    “But I haven’t even told you about Becky’s bloody nose incident.” Stiles already started to wonder away. “Stiles! There was so much blood.” She was too late, Stiles already left the cafe. The wounded Lydia slumped in her chair and took another sip of coffee.

 

* * *

 

    Stiles was even more stressed than normal, his classes were really getting to him. When he wasn’t sitting in class or doing homework, he would just sit in his room absentminded, as if to recharge it (it didn’t work). He would read, but The Fault in Our Stars was getting too emotional, and he didn’t want to outright cry in front of Danny.

    Danny, on the other hand, was annoyingly chipper. Things with Ethan were going swimmingly. Ethan was always with him, Stiles was pretty sure they went to the bathroom together. It was nice seeing Danny with someone who he hadn’t just met; Stiles thought he was a little too loose, but he’d never tell him that.

    Maybe Scott could cheer him up, he hadn’t hung with his best friend for a while, not since Kira’s band played. Stiles flipped out his phone while giving Dethan (what he liked to call them) a disgusted look because they were making out on Danny’s bed. Trying to ignore the quiet pucker sounds coming from their lips, he dialed Scott’s number.

    “Hey, dude, what’s up?” Scott answered.

    “Wanna play some Xbox? I have to get away from these,” Stiles gestured to his roommate and guy he’s playing tonsil hockey with, “sex-crazed heathens.” At that statement, Danny lifted his hand and flipped Stiles off, all while his tongue was still in Ethan’s mouth.

    “Ew, are they making out again?” Scott muttered over the phone.

    “Yeah. They’re worse than you and Allison were.” There was only silence on the other end. “Scott I-”

    “No, it’s okay man, it’s been a year. You don’t need to walk on eggshells anymore,” Scott’s voice was slow, almost sad. Scott’s old girlfriend, Allison, refused to give up her purse in a mugging, and was stabbed to death by her assailant. They never caught the guy.

    “Xbox?” Stiles was hoping he hadn’t put his friend off to the idea.

    “Nah, I can’t, I have to go to work soon, and I’m still not even dressed.”

    “Oh,” Stiles huffed out, “okay, maybe another time.” He hung up the phone without another word.

    While Stiles and Allison went to college, Scott stayed home and got a job at a local car garage; it wasn’t glamorous work, but Scott seemed to enjoy himself. Stilse thought that it might have disrupted their dynamic - with him in college and Scott not - but it hasn’t been a problem so far. He was bummed out that Scott couldn’t hang out with him, but then Stiles got a good idea: maybe him and Kira could hang out. He quickly shot a text to Kira (they didn’t know each other enough to not make phone calls awkward). Moments later Kira replied.

**Sure! I’d love to hang out with you! What should we do? Where should we meet?**

     She seemed to be overly excited, and Stiles was starting to regret his decision. But he already asked her, so he had to go through with it. He typed his reply.

**Idk, maybe at the quad?**

     His phone buzzed after a moment or two.

**Sounds good! I’ll meet you there in ten minutes!**

     Stiles is starting to feel that he should change Kira’s name in his phone so that its all caps and an obnoxious amount of exclamation point behind it.

**Sounds good**

     Stiles slipped his feet into his shoes and grabbed his iconic red hoodie. He gave a brief wave to Dethan (who at this point, were mostly unclothed) and scampered out the door. It wasn’t a long walk to the quad, but Stiles couldn’t be in that room anymore, not with the ‘sex-crazed heathens’ at least. Leaving early gave him a chance to get a cup of tea from a vender on the quad’s outskirts. Maybe he’d catch Derek there buying Kira a coffee again? Alas, it didn’t happen.

 

* * *

 

     Stiles was laying in the grass watching the clouds; watching the clouds aimlessly float by seemed to calm the clouds that resided in his head. It had been for ever since he last stopped to watch the clouds. It reminded him of when he’d go on picnics with his mom and dad. How long ago was that? Moments or years - it kind of felt like both.They were always happy on picnics.

     Kira popped into sight right over his vantage point. At the angle he was laying, Kira’s head seemed to be hung in the sky with the clouds. She looked down fondly at him, like an old friend… maybe even like a sister would. Scott is the only person that comes close to a sibling; but he doesn’t have a sibling so he has nothing to compare, so how wouldn’t he know.

     “Why are you laying in the grass like that?” Her fond smile still hasn’t disappeared.

     He let out a contempt sigh, his quiet moment was over, “Just watching the clouds.” She sat down next to him. Her Avenger leggings covered her legs, and her sweater was about 3 sizes too big for her; at that point, she became more sweater than girl.

     “Mine if I join?” She spoke with a slight ‘yip;’ that’s the only way he could describe. Maybe she wouldn’t talk while they laid there.

    “Sure,” he mumbled. She laid on her back and looked to the sky.

     “Why are we watching the sky?” She said at length.

     “I don’t know. It kind of…” Stiles didn’t know how to explain it. “There’s nothing up there… Nothing to weigh you down, I guess. You become part of the void if you look at it long enough, part of the Endless Blue Void,” he trailed off. Stiles liked the idea: becoming part of this so call ‘Endless Blue Void.’ He wouldn’t have to deal with school, people… and more importantly: himself. He let out another deep sigh.

     “There’s stuff up there,” Kira said after processing what her blue-feeling friend said. “There’s clouds. And heaven, I guess. I mean, if you believe stuff like that. And if you don’t, there’s always… clouds.” She sounded like she wanted to go on, but didn’t. They both laid there for a silent spell.

     “I guess you’re right, there’s always clouds.” Thinking of the fleeting clouds made him think of his mother. Just like the clouds, no matter what he did, he couldn’t stop her from leaving him. Maybe it’s that what people are: clouds. Eventually they leave you, maybe just too slow for you to notice, but they do. Stiles became okay with this realization because he knew that one day - hopefully a long time from now - he’ll become a cloud too and he’ll finally be in the ‘Endless Blue Void.’ Stiles wiped his eyes; Kira noticed, but didn’t say anything.

     Stiles was the first to break the silence, “wow, who knew ten minutes with you and the sky would help me more than months of Support Group?” Stiles let the cat out of the bag, now she knew he went to some sort of group. She probably thinks he has cancer or is some kind of sociopath. “It’s a, uh, mental health support group. My dad makes me go.”

     “Oh,” is all she said. She turned to look at him.

     “Actually, I saw Derek the last time I went. Do you know anything about that?” He said looking back at her.

     Kira was caught off guard, “uh, I don’t really think its my place to talk about it...”

     “So you do know why he’s there.” Stiles sounded more nosey than normal.

     She sighed, “Stiles, I can’t talk about it, I wouldn’t feel right.”

     “Oh, okay.” He knew to not keep pressing the issue. He got up on his stiff, shaky legs. “Hey, do you wanna go get some froyo?”

     “Froyo?” Kira asked, she sounded perplexed.

     He paused for a moment, his eyes gave a look of disbelief. “You know, frozen yogurt?” He did some sort of hand gesture that only made sense to Stiles.

     “Ohhhhh,” Kira said. “I’ve never had frozen yogurt before”

     “Well have I got a treat for you!” Stiles was feeling a lot better. He bounced away, expecting Kira to follow. She got up, and hurried to his side.

 

 

 


End file.
